The 7 Questions To Ask Before You De-clutter
Peggy Fitzsimmons, Clutter Expert
A few weeks ago, I was listening to a podcast featuring my friend, Peggy Fitzsimmons. Peggy’s brilliant. She has a PhD in psychology and has recently been helping people de-clutter their lives materialistically and emotionally.
What she said had such an impact on me, after the podcast, I charged into my closet and began throwing clothes on my bed. Now I’m pretty organized and I cull my closet throughout the year. I binge watched Marie Kondo’s Netflix series, too, and got rid of pieces that didn’t spark joy. But after listening to Peggy’s podcast, I realized there was a cost to holding on to so many things. A cost I was no longer willing to pay.
I was driven to get rid of anything I didn’t absolutely love. Shirts I no longer wore, pants I was saving for when I lose ten pounds, items that were gifts that I didn’t really like, shoes that hurt my feet but were too expensive to get rid of. All of it. If it didn’t make my heart sing, it was gone. After four days, I had cut the size of my wardrobe in half. I threw away what I couldn’t donate and loaded up the rest to take to Goodwill.
I don’t know when I’ve felt so much freedom. I felt released from my closet which up until now, caused me anxiety, and I didn’t even know it. I felt energized. The sun seemed brighter. My space felt lighter.
This blog is about all things home and clutter is part of many if not most of our homes so I asked Peggy if I could interview her and she kindly agreed. Here’s my interview with Peggy Fitzsimmons:
What is your background?
I’ve worked in areas of healing, addiction, residential treatment, wilderness therapy, and private therapy. I guess you could say I’m a therapeutic coach and consultant. (Peggy’s also worked at Omega, the nation’s largest holistic learning center in New York.)
How’d you get into helping people de-clutter?
I was married to a lovely soul who didn’t have a lot of possessions. He took care of the ones he had and knew that less was more. Then I was doing wilderness therapy where you go out into the woods for 21 days. You have one spoon and if you lose that spoon, you use a stick. You only have the things you absolutely need for survival.
Throughout my life I have become more and more drawn to this idea of less is more. I decided to take a deep dive into my clutter, material and emotional. Today, everything I have fits into my car and it’s a coupe! It’s what I’m comfortable with.
You say we’re all hoarders to some degree.
There is a hoarder in each of us. True hoarders are the extreme and they are living in terror. The rest of us live in fear. We hoard and hold on to things because we’re operating more often from the ego mind rather than the soul.
The ego’s approach to life is “I’m not enough. You’re not enough. There’s not enough.” The ego mind is all about survival. It’s about scarcity and the lack of being and having enough. It’s a loud voice and keeps us in a state of fear that produces thoughts of loneliness, fear, jealousy and other negative emotions.
The soul’s mindset is the opposite; it says you and I are enough. The soul knows we are more than humans. We’re in this world but not of this world. The soul is about connection, abundance, and freedom.
You talked in the podcast about a woman living in a castle of grief. Tell me about that.
One time I was asked to help a woman who lived in the Pacific Palisades. She was moving to San Francisco and was immobilized by her stuff. She asked for my help so I went to her home and it was beautiful. It was a 10,000 square foot house. But immediately when I walked inside, I could feel the energy of grief.
The woman led me into a big room with a big couch and there were piles of baby clothes on it. I asked her, “What does it feel like to look at these clothes?” She immediately started sobbing. She told me she had had a baby five years ago and had been trying ever since to have another one. Nothing worked. She was holding on to this dream of having another kid. She was so wrapped up in the child she didn’t have, she wasn’t able to be present for the child she did have. Her emotional clutter left her paralyzed.
Here’s another story. I was asked to help a single mom whose daughter was living with autism. Four years earlier, the woman’s husband had died unexpectedly. She had a converted garage that was filled with her husband’s things: papers, golf clubs, all kinds of stuff.
We went through her husband’s things and cleared out that converted garage. We made it a point not to touch any of her daughter’s things but we were still nervous how she would react to the change. Well, her daughter came home; she walked in the door, stood there, looked around and said, “Mama, I can breathe.”
Clutter is stagnant energy. You can walk through your own home and feel the places that feel alive and those that feel dead. Maybe it’s a messy closet or a guest room that you use to store things you don’t know what to do with.
Why is stagnant energy bad?
It is untapped energy that is being wasted.
When you begin to release clutter, to let it go, you create space for energy to flow.
You feel better. (I totally agree. I felt so much better after culling my closet.)
When you feel good it’s a sign you’re in the vicinity of your soul.
Usually unexpected things start to happen: you get a call from a long lost relative; you get a new job opportunity. You just feel better.
That’s the magic of it. You don’t know what’s going to happen, where it’s coming from but the energy starts to flow.
Part of cleaning out your closet is bringing you to the present. When you shift that energy, when you create space in your closet, you’re living more from your soul.
Why is it so hard to part with our things?
People think de-cluttering is about forcing themselves to get rid of things. You don’t force yourself. You’ll find that in getting rid of things you don’t need or love, those things lose their power or influence over you.
It’s like when you’re in a relationship that’s not working but you stay in it. Then one day, the relationship’s over, you’re out of it, and you feel free. That’s what happens when you de-clutter.
The soul is about being in present time.
The ego is constantly driving us to the past or pulling us ahead to the future. Pushing us to live in regret or in anxiety about the future.
The soul is about what’s happening now.
We’re also imbedded in a culture that supports the ego mindset.
We’re constantly bombarded with marketing and messages pushing us to consume more.. We buy things thinking they’ll make us feel safe and secure. Those things are just an illusion.
All that you own fits into your car. How do you feel a sense of home when you don’t actually have a house to call home?
When my soul feels at home, I am at home.
I’ve always been looking for home in myself. I see people who appear to be living in secure homes. They have lots of stuff and their jobs, but they still don’t feel like they’re worthy, like there’s enough or that they’re doing what they really want to do. They’re not free.
People are walking around in chronic fear; always achieving, accumulating. The soul is in a whole different place. It’s about loving and knowing and being and releasing.
When we live from the ego mind, we’re constantly battling to keep up with the Jones’; feeling superior when we really feel inferior. It’s an illusion that the things we buy can make us safe.
When you live from the soul, you know you have everything you need.
How can readers of this article start de-cluttering today?
Ask yourselves a series of questions:
1) Does this item contribute to my soul’s intention?
Take a minute and drop into what your soul is longing for right now. Asking this takes you out of your ego mind. Every time I ask this question, the person will say, “Wait, I have to think about that.” Then they’ll come out with a statement, “I want space” or “I want to do more art” or whatever it is that’s important to them. This is identifying your soul’s intention. Once you do that, you can begin to look through the things in your life and ask yourself, “does this item contribute to my soul’s intention?” If it doesn’t, you get rid of it.
2) Is it beautiful to me?
Maybe you’re holding on to it because it meant something to someone else. Maybe it was a gift but you really don’t like it. Release it.
3) Is it useful?
People get tripped on this. They’ll say, “these ski poles are useful” but they haven’t skied in ten years. Maybe they could be useful and bring joy to someone else.
4) Is it in present time? Is it you now?
Most of us are hanging on to the past. Do you really want to hold on to that jacket from a decade ago that no longer fits but reminds you of good times? Or maybe you’re holding on to something “just in case.” Present time means the item is something you need right now.
5) Does it love you back?
That’s a big one. You know immediately the items that love you back. These are the things in your closet when you see them you think, “OMG I love that!” You love how you look in it, how it makes you feel, and the confidence it gives you. If it loves you back it gives you energy.
6) Does it have a sacred space to live?
This is important because you’re choosing what lives with you. It’s astounding to me when I walk into people’s homes and their closets are stuffed. You can’t jam one more thing in it. You can’t even see all that’s there because there’s so much. Things have to be easy to see, easy to get to. If you love and need it, you treat it with respect.
7) Does it help you share your love with the world?
Fill your closet only with the things that make you feel good, that give you a positive vibe, make you feel confident and worthy when you’re out in the world. Those vibes you’re feeling will rub on others. We’re souls in human bodies. The only thing we’re here to do is share our love with the world. You have to sift through the noise and the clutter to find out what those things really are.
There’s also the idea of freeing up resources to help others. I’ve worked with so many people of big financial means and they have no idea of the connection between giving and receiving. Something they’re holding on to could be the thing that helps someone else get back on their feet. It can take so little to help someone, to make them feel recognized. To share our lives and what we have with them.
This is powerful stuff.
It’s deep. It’s intimate and real.
This is why I’m doing this work.
It is powerful.
Thank you Peggy!
To hear Peggy's interview on the podcast Psychic Insights for the Modern World with James Van Praagh, click here.